


I Changed My Mind

by abiotic_butterfly



Series: A Depressing Side [12]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: ABO, Angst, F/M, Loneliness, M/M, Mpreg, Non Graphic Birth, Original Dean Winchester/Castiel Children, Sadness, Suicidal Thoughts, Surrogacy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-17 10:04:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17558318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abiotic_butterfly/pseuds/abiotic_butterfly
Summary: A short and angst filled fic about Castiel and what he goes through to surrogate for Dean, his childhood crush and Lisa.





	I Changed My Mind

**Author's Note:**

> This is me being my sad and angsty self, enjoy.

The last week of his pregnancy Castiel wheeped.

His body shook with sobs and his eyes stayed puffy and red for the whole remainder of seven days before he went into labor. His lip was bitten raw and his arms had been scratched up with his nails to the point where he was bleeding.

He debated slicing up his wrists with knives, but he didn’t want to hurt the baby. That was the last thing he wanted after deciding that taking his life and his pup’s wouldn’t do.

His chest heaved as he cried, his head hanging as he whimpered and winned. His arms were wrapped around his belly and he felt like he was going to die any second. His heart felt like it could give out, and if someone were to ask if he would object to that he wouldn’t know what to say.

He had an obligation to Dean- to Dean and Lisa and he wasn’t going to go back on it. He promised, he had promised his friend that he would do this and so he was going to. Everyday he replayed the day he signed his life away, and everyday he wanted to kill himself over it.

 **Ten** **months** **prior**

“You’ll do it?” Dean’s eyes were lit up and a bright smile graced his face as he looked directly at Cas. The Omega nodded, of course he would, this was for Dean.

“I’d be delighted to, you’re my best friend.” He gave the Alpha a warm smile back, his happy demour turning sour when he heard Lisa speak.

“We really appreciate this...we’ve always wanted a pup and with your help now we can have one.” Her smile was meant to be a show of her gratitude but with how she was gripping Dean’s arm Cas took it as an insult.

The Beta was the luckiest girl to be alive, she had whooed her way into Dean Winchester’s heart and stayed with him for ten years. They met in high school and married in their early twenties, mating each other on the wedding night. Cas would know, he was Dean’s best man.

The couple had been trying for pups for years, trying different methods from what he had heard from Dean and Lisa. Eventually as they explained to Castiel, the couple found out that Lisa’s eggs were the issue. Despite still having her period, her eggs were defective and she wasn’t able to carry a pregnancy to term.

So Dean called up his Omega friend to carry their child. To sacrifice nine months of his life for the love of his life and the worst human alive.

The Omega knew what it meant, that this would be the end for him. His sad depressing life of never dating anyone, of only being used for sex was going to end with giving Dean Winchester a child.

So he smiled and nodded along, his life was signed over with a show of his teeth.

It had been months of torture, of having people on the street chat with him about his soon to be pup, how he didn’t have the willpower to ever correct them. How at the doctors it wasn’t just Dean and him, it was Dean, Lisa and him. All staring will love at the screen that showed their pup.

Cas held onto the dream of him and Dean having a family. That he would dump his mate and come rushing to his side, to the Omega that was carrying his pup. This was an illusion though, something that wasn’t going to happen.

He could work through the lines though, piece through the bad ones with Lisa and remember the ones where Dean would smile or hug him. The little things that meant nothing to others meant everything to him.

The greatest of them all was when Cas was around six months and he felt the pup kick. He was startled to say the least but once he realized what it was his face lit up and he immediately called to his Alpha. “Dean! Dean come over here!” His left hand was rubbing circles on his stretched skin as his right beckoned the Alpha over.

“Are you alright? Is it the baby?!” He kneeled down and rested his hands on Cas’s knees.

The Omega keened internally, his heart swooning as his Alpha comforted him. Cas smiled and nodded, “yeah- here feel.” He grabbed one of Dean’s strong and coarse hands and placed in on his stomach, moving it around till he heard a quick intake of breath and laughed at Dean no doubt feeling the pup.

“Holy shit- fuck that’s amazing.” He looked up and gave Cas the biggest grin he ever saw. But then he turned away. “Lisa! Lisa come quick the pups kicking!”

Cas felt his heart sink, the smile that was once implanted on his face morphed away. His stomach filled with dread and apparently the pup could tell the change because they kicked harsher and Cas wanted to crawl out of his own skin.

The Beta rushed into the room, a brilliant smile on her face as she planted herself next to seat and placed her hand on Castiel’s stomach without hesitation.

Her eyes lit up just like his and when they looked at each other it was like they knew to automatically kiss each other.

Cas thought he was going to vomit, and it wasn’t because of the pregnancy.

Dean had shown him some affection throughout the pregnancy, he would rub his back, once he rubbed his feet and he would always help him with his chores around the house and even offered for him to live with him and Lisa during the last two months of his pregnancy. But he declined, he didn’t think he could go a day without crying himself to sleep knowing that Dean and Lisa were having sex in their bedroom while Cas slept alone and cold in the guest room.

He had always been alone, but now he was restricted with who he could see. After taking every test known to mankind to make sure Cas didn’t have any STDs or HIVs before they went to the doctors and inseminated him. Which was the most tramatic thing to happen to him in a while.

Fake heats were a bitch and Cas was left crying and needy for the remainder of his heat after he had been inseminated.

He hadn’t been with another Alpha in forever...that was one of the rules Dean had set, he didn’t want Cas having sex while he was pregnant with his pup. Cas had at the time agreed wholeheartedly, the thought of contracting a disease and giving it to the pup sickened him, it really showed that Dean cared, he didn’t want Cas to have sex with just anyone. So Cas had signed on the dotted line with a smile on his face.

But when the second trimester started and he got horny and lonely he wanted to strangle Dean. To choke the ignorant Alpha till he lost his air supply and died. The feeling of his slicked canal empty and squeezing around nothing made him cry. But he didn’t want to break Dean’s rule, so he would lay in bed and cry for hours upon hours while his body cried out for the help of an Alpha.

He would have monthly evaluations on how he was doing, and instead of being honest he would lie and say that he was fine. That this was a wonderful experience and that he was glad to be helping his friend.

“Are you prepared to give this pup up?”

Cas would always freeze at that question, one he sucked at lying about. “Yeah, I- I’ll be fine.” He would nod and look away, not being able to meet doctor Pamela’s face.

“Postpartum depression is a series issue, and it even happens to Omega’s and Beta’s who are able to keep their pups. I’m very concerned for your well being, Castiel.”

His doctor was always a problem, he wasn’t used to people who dug in and gave a shit about you. She was a friend of Dean’s, he met her sometime in the many years he ditched Cas so the Omega had never heard of her before.

But his doctor didn’t control him, Dean’s doctor couldn’t control him. So he would stand up and leave. Anytime she asked the question he would leave. And when she signed him up for more help dealing with the surrogacy he would ignore it and wither away to nothing alone.  
It got bad though. Ignoring people’s help did little to nothing, it only made him feel like a failure. So when it got to the point where he held a knife up to his throat and pressed the blade against his skin he knew he needed help. That he needed to fix something.

So he went to Dean.

“You wanted to talk…” Dean’s hands were fiddling with the holes in his jeans and he cleared his throat awkwardly. “Is there a reason you didn’t want Lisa here?”

Cas swallowed harshly and protective wrapped his arms around his stomach, as if Dean would extract his pup from his body and leave him to die. “A lot has happened in the recent months...some good...some bad.” He looked up to gard Dean’s facial expression but it was hard to tell when the Alpha just looked confused.

“Wh- something happened? What happened?” Dean’s eyes of course went to his stomach and then back to his eyes. The pup was his priority, not Cas.

“I’ve been depressed, and I tried to play it off, but I- I feel awful. I feel like trash everyday and I want it to stop.” He took a deep breath and tears fell out of his eyes. “I don’t want to give the pup up…” he whispered.

The room was quiet, not a sound besides Cas’s whimpers.

“Cas…” Dean’s voice was scratchy and he sounded so disappointed that Cas started to cry more. “It’s- you signed a contract. It’s not your baby, it’s mine and Lisa’s. You’re free to visit, but the pup isn’t going to know you’re their bio parent.”

The words coming from Dean’s mouth hurt, just hearing it. Not imagining it with Dean’s voice, but hearing it word for word come out of the love of his life’s mouth felt like he had eaten a tub of lead.

“If you try to gain parental rights me and Lisa will be forced to take legal action. Something we don’t want to. Cas, I know it’s hard, but you can’t get attached.

But it was too late.

The hospital room made him sick, physically, mentally, everything. Throughout his entire time at the hospital he had thrown up four times, screamed half the time and cried the whole time.

He didn’t have a choice about calling Dean or Lisa to be there for the birth. Dean had been with him when it happened and Lisa had shown up quickly after. When the nurse asked who Dean was he said ‘the father’ followed by ‘Cas is my friend, he’s our surrogate’, so even in the hospital did he feel abandoned and left out.

All throughout labor he cried, never did he stop. It wasn’t even the pain, it was the fact that his pup was about to be taken away from him. A pup was supposed to be with their mother, an Omega was supposed to be with their pup. But that didn’t seem to matter to anyone else but Cas.

The pain was extreme and horrifying, something Cas wished to never repeat. He wouldn’t need to anyway. The doctor made it seem like it was his fault though, the fact that he wasn’t pushing and refused to deliver the pup. His Omega was freaking out, all his senses were going haywire and the fact that his pup was about to be taken away from him was the only current thought it his brain.

So the practical solution was to not deliver the pup, except it wasn’t that simple. Between the doctor, Dean, the nurses and even fucking Lisa yelling at him that he was going to kill her pup.

So despite everything in his body and mind telling him not to he started pushing on the doctor’s count. And in less than thirty minutes his pup was born. And what a beautiful pup it was. Loud cries filled the room and the nurses cut the cord and rushed the baby off into the corner to clean and wash up. Dean and Lisa hurrying after to try and catch a glimpse.

“Congrats on a baby boy.” The one nurse said, walking over to Cas and handing him the delicate and fragile pup.

Cas couldn’t believe his eyes, he was holding his pup. He was snuggling with his pup, something he never imagined he’d be able to do.

“Can I see him, Cas?”

The voice he used to love filled his heart with agony and in that moment he imagined himself shooting a bullet into Dean’s head. He wanted to scream, to say ‘no, no way are you ever going to see him.’ But he didn’t have the right to, he signed away his rights. “Can’t I hold him a little bit longer?” He begged.

“He’s going to need to eat soon and we don’t want him getting attached to breastfeeding.” Lisa filled in, her voice like nails on a chalkboard.

“Can’t I give him a bottle? Just once?” Cas was desperate, his eyes as round as saucers.

Dean looked over and Lisa and they seemed to be being having a conversation with their eyes. He used to be able to do that with Dean. Eventually the Alpha nodded, “just once shouldn't hurt.”

So that’s what he did, the nurse gave him the bottle and he carefully gave it to his son, watching as the little guy sucked the milk down greedily. But time went fast and soon he was done with the bottle, and that meant giving him up.

He shakily put the bottle on the side table and wrapped his arms around his pup, forcing himself to hand the small bundle of love away. It happened so suddenly that it took him by surprise, the feeling of utterly nothing. There was not one thing that he was thinking about in that moment. His misery, his sadness, his anger, his everything...was sucked out and he was left alone and wilted.

“I’ll send you a check for everything, I know you were in a rough living situation so I hope this helps, we’ll forever appreciate this, Cas.” Dean was rocking the pup to sleep while Lisa cooed over his shoulder.

The Omega stared at him for a while, his eyes dazed and lost. Then he smiled, a small laugh leaving him. He looked up to meet Dean’s eyes. “No need.”

**Author's Note:**

> Leave me some suggestions!


End file.
